15 Ways to Convince Your Wife You NEED a Rebreather

Every man hits a midlife crisis sooner or later. One buys a Porsche, one buys a Harley, one buys a Rolex.

I just wanted a rebreather.

The only problem is explaining at home why you are spending ten thousand euros on a diving unit. I now own two and I am working on the third, so call me experienced. Fifteen approaches, tongue in cheek — but most of them genuinely work.

1. Timing is everything

Do not raise it while you are paying the mortgage or doing the dishes. Cook a good meal, clear the table, pour a glass of wine, sit down. Then start.

And make it a conversation, not a discussion. That difference decides the outcome.

2. Never say the number

Ten thousand euros sounds like ten thousand euros. Twenty-seven euros a day sounds like nothing. Same amount, one year, entirely different conversation.

Halve the season and you are at fifty-four a diving day. Also fine.

3. Compare it to what you want, never to what she wants

Never set it beside a new kitchen or repainting the house. That touches something of hers, and it costs you the conversation.

Compare it to a Porsche — twenty times the price. Or to the motorbike you sold years ago when a baby arrived. Name what you got for it, and say you want to put that into something now. Keep it about you.

4. Call it an investment

An investment in enjoyment, in relaxation, in your own time. And point out that a Porsche loses value the moment it leaves the garage, while a rebreather does that far more slowly.

Better than overpriced wine or getting drunk with your friends.

5. Start too high

Open with a boat. Or a motorbike. Something in the fifty to ninety thousand range. Then come down slowly.

Land on ten and you have shown that you are reasonable and that you scaled back. That is exactly where you want to end up.

6. Do what she does

Look, every woman comes home with bags, and the excuse is always the same: it was on offer.

So buy the unit and say it was on offer. She will understand, because she knows that if she starts on this, she will hear it back next time.

7. Promise her peace and quiet

A rebreather means longer dives. Longer dives mean longer away. Longer away means she gets time to herself — with friends, or simply on the sofa.

And at the very least you are not under her feet.

8. She always knows where you are

You are not out on a Friday night going from bar to bar. You are in bed early, because Saturday morning you are diving. Thirty metres down, with your friends, working on your fitness.

9. Settle every present at once

Every birthday, every Father’s Day, every Christmas, the same question: what do you want? I don’t know.

Tell her you need nothing for the next five or ten years. A hug, a bottle of water, maybe some new sensors. Nothing else. She will love it.

10. Tip ten

There isn’t one. Sssh, we don’t talk about it.

11. The two invoices

To be clear: this is a joke. I do not recommend it, and neither does your dive shop.

This is the naughty one, and I know people who have done it.

You ask the dive shop for two invoices. One with the real price — that goes into the garage for your warranty. And one for half, which you leave lying casually on the table.

Important: pay the invoice on the table by card and the rest in cash. Do not be so foolish as to put the whole amount on the card and leave the half-price invoice lying around. Then it hits the fan. That has actually happened.

12. Ask about the shoes

This is playing with fire. Ask how much is tied up in shoes. How much wardrobe space that takes, and what it cost.

And you only wanted a rebreather.

There will be fireworks. But it might work.

13. Come with a plan

Not an impulse purchase but a five-year plan. Work out how much you save on gas — helium is not free.

Do not show her the real arithmetic. But make it clear that you have thought about it, and that this is not going to be the drone that sat in a corner after three months.

14. Pull your weight

Help with getting the kids to bed. Cook one day a week. Go outside when she gets home with the shopping.

Show her you are trying to understand her. Then she might try to understand you. And if she does not, at least she can see you making the effort.

15. Just ask

This is by far the best one, in my view.

Go out for dinner, talk about everything, and then ask. Darling, can I put ten thousand euros into a rebreather? I enjoy diving so much. I want it so badly. It is a dream of mine.

I know from experience that this one works. I am nearly on my third.

Bonus

Tell her it is safer. Dive twins and they run dry and you are out of gas. With a rebreather you have very nearly endless gas.

That genuinely works. I know.

And how it went for me

At the end of the video I simply ask my wife. Darling, what about that rebreather of Patrick’s? Can I buy it?

Yes, of course. Go ahead.

So there you are, with fifteen tips.